| so i wait |
[24 Nov 2009|07:17am] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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I realize that I have a lot of anger. I tend to direct it inwards and I don't cope with it very well. I'm learning, or trying to. Thursday can't come fast enough.
tick............................tock...............................g o e s t h e c l o c k ...
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(2 rinses | spit)
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[19 Nov 2009|06:31am] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
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music |
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Where is my mind?-The Pixies |
] |
It's been several weeks since I've smoked anything. So I guess I've officially quit. I don't know that I crave for the nicotine anymore, but more the habit of doing something with my hands and mouth. I realize when I make a comment like that I'm opening myself to all sorts of lewd comments, but whatever. I don't deny my oral fixation. Freud would have a field day with me.
Just 45 minutes to blow and then I get to go swimming. My mom has been coming with me since one of her doctors told her that she needs to strengthen her back.
I guess I'll pack my towel and stuff. My mind isn't working at any sort of pace that I can blog all sorts of interesting and fascinating things right now. Maybe I'll regain my humour again. Hopefully sooner than later.
I miss watching TV. (I almost blogged I miss watching TB. Whoops!!)
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(2 rinses | spit)
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| Anger & Coffee |
[17 Nov 2009|06:46pm] |
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music |
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black coffee--Black Flag |
] |
What the hell is happening in my life? What is happening to it? Am I some sort of social experiment? Do you want to stand back and watch how many times I fuck up? What bad decisions I make. How I look at my daughter and cry because I'm not the same mom she knows. I've officially lost it. This itty bitty keyboard does not help. I'm wireless so I might as well be comfortable. I'll check for errors later. Or should I? Who's even watching; and more importantly why?
I am a human being and I have certain rights, I honestly feel that some sort of ethical human-rights law is being broken where as I am concerned. Instead they increase my anti-psychotics. I nod, grin, suck them back and think, "fuck you." I know what's real.
I realize that I haven't developed into this perfect soul that everyone might want to interact with, but I am what I am. I feel like everyone just wants to change me.
This whole evening has been so unreal.
Later I'll go back to pretending that I don't notice the things that I do. Try to be one of the "Normals".
News for you: I will never be one of the "normals"
Welcome to lielielies. Tell me about your anger & joy.
I'm bi-polalar--and a fucking mess.
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(18 rinses | spit)
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| i might be quiet, but I'm not dead! |
[14 Nov 2009|07:47am] |
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mood |
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contemplative |
] |
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music |
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Beck--broken drum |
] |
Hey fellow bloggers, I know I haven't posted in a loooong time (35 weeks according to the announcement when I logged in). I almost deleted my journal recently, but my husband told me to hold off on that idea. I'm glad he did. I guess I've always been the type to make quick (and often times rash) decisions. There are many of you that I want to maintain contact with and share my silly and sometimes tragic stories with. I've been doing my journals on paper lately because I wanted the privacy for some of my thoughts.
I'll just keep this one brief for now, but expect me to be blogging. Here, there, whereverywhere? Somewhere, I guess is my point. Somewhere in this here internet of tubes and wires.
Everyone over here is doing A-ok.
Talk soon!
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(10 rinses | spit)
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| Eeh! |
[13 Mar 2009|05:01pm] |
Jon sent me this from work. I laughed so hard my face hurts!
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(4 rinses | spit)
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[14 Feb 2009|02:00pm] |
the endless blockade
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(2 rinses | spit)
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[04 Feb 2009|09:43am] |
Had a doctor's appointment yesterday and I'm down another 5 lbs. Hell yes. I also took my basal metabolic rate from 1742 to 2189 in 8 weeks. I love it, I love it, I love it. My doctor asked me if I'd be willing to do a talk for him in one of his classes. I said hell yea. My sister in law, Erika, is now working at Dr. W's office and she really likes it there. He mentioned that there would be more nursing positions opening, but I'm happy in the Neonatal Intensive Care. Maybe when I get back to school he'll take me on to do my clinical hours in his office, I was talking to a psychologist there a few weeks back and she said that she did 1600 hours of her clinical work in his office and it was terrific.
Now I just need to figure out if I want to get my BsCN, which will allow me to be a registered therapist in Ontario, and then get my Masters in psychology, or if I should just go for a Psych degree and then go for my Masters. So many options open to me. I think I'd better make an appointment with a student advisor at Mac soon to pick their brain and see what option would be best. I imagine doing my BScN would probably be the wisest way to go first, because I can apply PLC (prior learning credits) to my degree as I'm already a Registered Nurse with many clinical hours behind me.
Last night was my first night shift in just over a year and it went very well. I worked with 2 super nurses and one that's a mild pain in the ass (she just likes to get into and know everyone's business and is totally bold about it, it gets under my skin sometimes. That and the horrific gas she has.) At about 5 to 7 this morning all the power in the hospital went out. YOIK!!! There was nothing but total blackness, silence and the collective gasp of 30 nurses. We had an oscillator ventilator going on one of our gaffers and that generally equals some major respiratory instability. Turned out that they stored all of our emergency flashlights in a room, instead of at the bedsides, like they used to be and we all scrambled to our ventilated babies hollering for our resuscitation bags and as quickly as the lights and machines went out they were all on again. After all was said and done we figured that the power was probably out for only about 45 seconds before the back up generators kicked on, but Jesus Murphy, that was the longest 45 seconds that we'd experienced. I'm glad that it all turned out well and there were no complications that arose because of it. Well, one minor complication... I had to wander around the parking garage in total blackness after my shift was over and try to find my car. But I finally did. Whew!
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(12 rinses | spit)
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| what's up |
[03 Feb 2009|07:43am] |
It's been a little while since I last updated. I guess I've been keeping myself somewhat busy. I'm back to work full time, which is good. It's really nice to be working bedside again, especially since my specialist told me that I'd never be able to work bedside again. Guess I proved him wrong. I missed the little, bitty babies. I've been keeping up my swimming on my days off and do yoga when I can't get to the pool. I'm down 60 pounds so far and it's making me feel great.
Jon's not enjoying his course so much this semester, but what the hell, credits closer to his teaching degree. There are some classes out there that you just have to slug your way through, not everything is going to be stimulating in ways that you might want.
Chloe has been busy collecting information and photos for her project on raccoons. She and Jon are going to work together with her camera and clay and put together a stop motion video for her presentation.
Anyway, I should pack Chloe's lunch and then get back to bed, I'm doing a 12 hour night shift tonight.
the father:
the baby:
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(6 rinses | spit)
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[18 Dec 2008|02:16am] |
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(spit)
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[15 Dec 2008|09:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 amused |
] |
This dude makes me laugh. For some reason I imagine if my dad ever had occasion to make a commercial that it would turn out very similar to this.
link here!
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(3 rinses | spit)
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[15 Dec 2008|07:07pm] |
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music |
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His Hero Is Gone |
] |
I was lllllllazy today and didn't get out of bed early to swim because I figure that there's enough germs in the pool already without me hacking and snotting everywhere and adding to it. I can't help but be really conscious of the fact that there's a zillion old people at the pool and the last thing I want to do is kill someone's grandma.
Erika and I went shopping for Maggie's shower presents today and bought her a bunch of fun sex toys and some lingerie and a couple of chocolate dicks. Tomorrow should be fun. And funny! 90 year old Nana Mary will be there. I wonder what she'll make of E's and my presents?
Dani and I went to Lemoncello's for lunch today and it was excellent, as always. Dani's really fun company and my afternoon zipped by. We went to Starbucks for drinks and more gabbing and I was sad to see the afternoon come to an end, but that just means we'll have to do it again, really soon!
Barry and I went grocery shopping together and I got all my stuff to make my Bit & Bites for Xmas, because my sister-in-law, Erika, gave me my container from last year and said, "Here, now you don't have to buy us another container for this year. We LOVE your bits & bites." I wasn't really planning on doing food-stuff this Christmas, but I can't really say no to that request so I'm doing it. The cool thing is that bits and bites are ridiculously easy to make.
Now I'm going to go nosh some dinner in front of the bigass tv in my pyjamas and enjoy the fact that I don't have anything else that I have to do today.
I'm the asshole that doesn't want to bother with decorating for Christmas this year. Isn't it enough that we have a tree? It's a norfolk pine in a pot, so I can grow it in the solarium later. I just don't want to deal with the lights and the decorations and the crap. I just want it to be 2009 already.
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(2 rinses | spit)
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[10 Dec 2008|09:09pm] |
| [ |
music |
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African Breakfast--Bongo Herman |
] |
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(12 rinses | spit)
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| Umm... |
[10 Dec 2008|07:38pm] |
| [ |
music |
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Dad Nasty--Values Here |
] |
How many babies do you see?
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(13 rinses | spit)
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[10 Dec 2008|09:32am] |
Check out my hat:
Iiiiii look ridiculous!
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(8 rinses | spit)
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